A new year and a new decade are about to commence. It is an exciting time and reasonable to wonder what this next year and a new decade will hold for you and me. I’ve said this before, but please note that nothing will change because the date changes. You will have to be intentional to be able to make the best of the next year and decade. In this series of blogs, I will challenge you to specific strategies that make difference in every one of your tomorrows. Thank you for joining me!
Lighten your load
You will not get very far if you carry too heavy a load. Athletes running a marathon will never consider weighing themselves down with a backpack filled with rocks. If you were to see such an athlete, you will think that person
- To have lost his or her marbles
- To be guaranteed NOT to finish the race
- To have absolutely NO chance of winning
Yet we often carry completely worthless things with us through life, defending our right to do so with great passion. It does not make any kind of sense to be weighed down by something so unnecessary, yet so many of us refuse to lighten our loads. You are fully in control of this choice. No one can do it for you or prevent you from doing it. This is for you and if you were to do it, you will travel further, accomplish more, fly higher for longer and win more often. 2020 and beyond can have a completely different outcome for you and yours.
The unnecessary, useless rocks you are carrying with you in this marathon called life are things like grudges. Festering resentment and anger because of a slight or hurt or disappointment. There is no purpose for it. It will help you in no way and it will take away the joy tomorrow may have held.
Yes, I know your pain is very real and the unfairness of what happened to you is difficult to describe with mere words. I am in no way trying to diminish that. The more unforgivable something is, the more important it is that you do not carry it with you!
Unforgiveness take up space in your heart. Space that should be filled with love and joy. You will lose your capacity for fun and sharing. And when somebody you love needs you to care, you will have nothing to give.
Unforgiveness takes up space in your head. It will consume your thoughts and you will lose out on new ideas and innovative solutions. You will be stumped in situations where you should have had the answer.
Is it really worth it?
Sometimes people struggle to forgive because they misunderstand what it means to forgive. Let’s look at what it is NOT.
- Forgiving is NOT saying what you did to me is not so bad. It did not hurt that much.
- Forgiving is NOT saying I have recovered and since I’m not so hurt anymore, I forgive you.
- Forgiving is NOT saying I understand why you did what you did, and I agree with it.
- Forgiving is NOT saying you do not deserve punishment.
To forgive someone you do not need to do any of the above. You can say:
- What you did to me, hurt me immensely.
- I am still hurt.
- I do not know why you did it.
- I do not think you should have done it.
- I am unable to trust you right now.
You can say any or all of the above and still forgive. Forgiving is not the end result of your healing. It is the start of your healing. No healing will happen until you forgive, and the burden will get heavier as time passes.
When you forgive, you merely say: I have decided not to hold this against you anymore. I seek no retribution or punishment. I’m letting it go!
If you are reading here while weighed down by a heavy heart as a result of anger and bitterness, I so wish you can experience the freedom that comes from lightening your load.
Don’t forgive someone because they deserve it. Don’t forgive because they are truly sorry or because you believe they will not do it again. Forgive them to set YOURSELF free. Unforgiveness is likened to drinking poison and hoping it will hurt someone else. You are only hurting yourself!
Your 2020 and beyond is at stake here. It is time to forgive. Lighten your load and you will be able to do and accomplish more in 2020!
Please contact me if you are struggling with this. I would love to help! We addressed the most difficult topic first. I hope you will join me for the other four strategies.